So How Did It All Begin

Clearly, infidelity doesn't begin with a phone call, or a meeting on a website. Something has to be going on before this to put two people, both of whom have a lot to lose if they are caught, into the precarious situation of an affair.

So what were the precipitating factors that put my marriage into that position? This is a question that has bothered me nearly every day for the last 8 months. Let's go way, way back to the beginning of our relationship, and see if we can figure out where we took a wrong turn.

Rick and I met at work when I was only 18 and he was 24. Despite my young age, I was a fairly mature girl, I lived in my own apartment and I worked two jobs. I was very happy and busy with my life, and I didn't really want to get involved with anyone.

Rick was in a similar situation. He had moved a few hundred miles away from his family to take this job, and he was focusing on the next step he wanted to take in his career. He was very busy with work and his obsessive passion as a volunteer firefighter. He says that he was happy with his life, and he really didn't want to take on the added time commitment of getting involved with anyone.

Rick and I really did become friends first. We spent a lot of time together at work, and started to spend some time together away from work as well. We got to hang out sort of as buddies, without having to worry about all the mind games and pressures of dating.

We were very comfortable with each other. We would lean against each other to watch TV, and had no issues with putting our feet in the other persons lap. Then one night, I was at his apartment and fell asleep on the couch while we were watching TV. I was leaning against Rick, almost cuddling, and I woke up to the very definite change from him snuggling to him trying to feel me up.

Instead of being upset by this turn of events, in a way I was very flattered. I was very confident in who I was at that point in my life, and it felt nice to be wanted. We let our relationship morph slightly more into the physical while all the time expressing our desire not to become romantic, and just to be friends.

I spent the next week or so listening very carefully at work for even the slightest hint of gossip. I wanted to be sure that he wasn't saying anything about me. I wanted to be certain that I could trust him.

It seemed I could. I thought long and hard, and decided that I was in the perfect situation. My life was full and happy. I had a great, trustworthy friend who didn't want a relationship anymore than I did, and I was ready to move into a new chapter of my life.

It was time to lose my virginity.